Woven and Spun

From my journal July 20, 2007:

Things in the Bible seem so black and white at times. It is written in retrospect and from the Spirit of God so His Spirit can unlock any mystery that might exist. What will God’s History say after I’m gone?

While reading 2 Chronicles today, I was struck by one phrase. It was in regards to the evil King Jehoram who God cursed with an awful bowel disease because he was so wicked. The phrase that struck me was “He passed away – to no one’s regret…” Ouch – to no one’s regret – what a horrible way to die – besides the whole bowel thing, not a single person regretted his death. How awful and unfathomable.

Sadly enough, this king’s son, under his mother’s direction, did not do any better when he ascended the throne. And after he died, the mother killed all the rest of the family so she could rule…but one son, who was dedicated to God, escaped. God had preserved a remnant…

Then I read Psalms 22:9-10 – “You brought me out of the womb; You made me trust in You even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast upon You; from my mother’s womb You have been my God.” What a drastically different story and heritage than that of Jehoram! What a powerful testimony of faith – to know and declare that you were cast upon God from the womb.

I know I was God’s own from the womb. When I think back and recall the trail of my life, there is no other path present except the mystery and adventure of God’s will – what a glorious heritage! And now, my journal is propped up on my swollen belly where a little boy kicks and squirms every few minutes. Oh, Lord, how terrifying! This life brought by God through me as a vessel. Will he too be made to trust in God even from my breast? I am terrified…I know I will not be the full out evil influence of this mother in 2 Chronicles, but in a world where shades of gray loom closer and heavier than the black and white of living for God, what kind of influence will I be?

Lord, shape this child even now. Call him, even in the womb, to be yours and yours alone. I surrender my life and his life to You.